The Boy And His Dog.

I  see this young boy every morning as I run. The way he consciously and calmly walks his dog, minding it so it does not offend passers-by, cleaning up after it and carrying on like an adult, the only thought that comes to my mind is that he will definitely grow into a very responsible adult. I had to stop one day to ask him ‘quanti anni hai?’, and when he responded ‘dieci’ and I followed with ‘sei bravo’, I could only wonder how much more brave and responsible his parents  are to agree to a ten year old walking his dog every morning before school. Instantly, I remembered asking a girl of about 9 years to pray in church and she responded that she doesn't know how to because mum always prays. I asked what if mum is not around, and she responded 'mum is always around'. 

More often than not, we underestimate what our children can do. We limit them because we want to protect them. Undeniably, it is our responsibility but we must draw the lines as well as create opportunities to let them learn independence and  responsibility. So the question that poses itself is ‘how early?’. I am not an expert in child psychology, but I have read a lot since I gave birth and I will only echo what I have learnt. ‘As early as they can learn right and wrong’. Toddlers know when to help if you let them, in fact their rebellion is more an act of seeking independence, adolescents crave it so much that if not handled appropriately, the scene gets ugly.

I always wonder at parents who do not make efforts to improve on what they know. Some people just have one line of response, ‘that’s the way I was brought up’, and then I silently ask, ‘and you believe all your potentials were maximized’, you believe this is the best you can be?’. I don’t say it out loud so I don’t get slapped serially, but I try to pass on this message (depending on how close I am with the subject): we must do better.

I have successfully taught my 14 month old to say thank you, even though she doesn’t understand in what direction it should go (she hands me over something I ask for and says thank you, because she sees me smile and say thank you), but with time she’ll definitely learn it. Then we’ll learn to say sorry and with time, every other essential phrase. I do what I can, yet I always feel like I am not doing enough. I continually read expert advice, comments on good articles, opinions, different methods and expected results and from these I form my own opinion and methods. We are far from adolescence but I look forward to a meeting in the near future with two psychologists who will be addressing the issues of adolescence with a group of women with whom I attend language school. I don’t know if this opportunity will present itself again, so I am arming myself with as much knowledge as I can, whenever I can.  It always feels like my early reading days when I could never get enough of books (I used to be that kid that read newspapers in the convenience, even when the words just end up confusing me) because I am consumed with learning to do the right thing for my child(ren).

I will always remember that ten year old with his dog. I’ll let it serve as a reminder that  my children can do much more than I think at every point in their lives. I will try to create opportunities for them to express who they are, what they love to do and what they can do. I hope I get it right, every parent lives with this fear......but we push it aside and hope for the best.