The Adamic Nature: Majority Carries The Vote

There is a saying that when you point a finger to someone, the rest of your fingers point back at you. We like to blame others for our problems and just as often we forget to see the problem almost always comes from us. I call it the ‘adamic’ nature (for non Christians, Adam was the first man in the bible whose wife Eve gave the forbidden fruit). Adam points to Eve, she points to the serpent and I like to think the serpent might have pointed to God for creating the tree in the first place.

Back to us!!!

The solution to most of our problems lie with and within us, if only we stop the finger pointing act. I am not ruling out the presence of some persons whose only aim in life is to constantly constitute a nuisance. Yes, sometimes others can be at fault but how ready are we to see and accept it when the fault is ours, i.e. when the majority of your fingers carry the vote.

Individually and as a society, we must learn the art of taking responsibility for our actions no matter what the outcome is.

One of my friends who had the opportunity of studying in the UK for his masters degree, once opined on facebook that the west (Britain)  was responsible for the ineffective mode of teaching and learning that has contributed to the crippled education system in Nigeria. After some minutes of thought, I asked him why we have not realized that after fifty something years, and why our leaders who travel far and wide have done nothing about it. So it’s either they have also not noticed or they have and decided it is not a priority (after all their own children also get their degrees outside Nigeria). Either way, the finger he was trying to point could not stand the direction of the majority.

In addition, when I  read this article on the recent gay situation in Nigeria and some of the comments directly blamed the west for trying  to force it down our throats, even when the writer clearly stated that as a child, he had seen gay people over 50 years ago and in the 70s, openly showing affection, all I could think of was ‘enough with the finger pointing!!!’

If there is one thing I will teach my children, it will be that actions have consequences. Once you make a decision and act on it, the majority of your fingers will carry the vote no matter how much you point that first finger.

We make life-changing decisions all the time. To study or not, to work hard or not, to marry (for the right reasons) or not. It is an endless list but most times we do not stop to ask what the consequences will be in the long run. Then if/when things go wrong, we go berserk screaming at someone else instead of at ourselves.

Let’s take responsibility of our actions and their consequences, both as individuals and societies. That way we can effectively learn from our mistakes, retrace our steps and make overall progress.

Love Life: Live It Like Meg

My 13 month old toddler loves to be awake!!! Yes, so much so she fights her sleep all the time and can push it for up to 2 hours . But when she does  sleep, she almost always wakes up with a big smile on her face (if her sleep is interrupted, you won’t get any). An infectious smile that can easily be interpreted as ‘oh, I'm still here, where all the fun is’, and it makes you want to pick her up and plant kisses all over her face.

*You will be getting lots of Meg -inspired thoughts, she has been a fountain of inspiration since she was born*

Then I thought, what if I can live that way. Facing every waking moment with a smile. I confess it’ll be hard to ignore the body pains that I wake with on nights that she insists on putting asunder , the ever present feeling that plagues my sleep: how to create time for myself and  the string of tasks always waiting to be done. I'm always racing against time and my guess is, so do you.

We get so busy with life we forget to live it. We forget to smile, hug, hold hands and sit down to chat just for the love of hearing each other’s laughter. It’s worse with all the ‘aiming higher’, not being mediocre’, standing out from the crowd’ messages we hear every day. We are on a race to outdo ourselves and the next person, we often lose sight of the flowers on the path of the race.

I remember looking at the autumn trees and thinking, ‘even the withering process has got its own beauty. It inspired me to continue living each day not minding the circumstances, to see the beauty in my difficult seasons and know that as the same trees that wither with beauty in autumn, bloom again in spring with splendour , I will continue to rise no matter how many times I fall like the withering leaves.

I have resolved to live like Meg. To embrace life with a smile, telling myself I will get through it (in tough times) and stopping every now and then to count my blessings. I've had more downs than ups but every of those down times got me to reflect and conclude that I am far better alive than dead. Like when I broke my two arms (complete fractures) in an accident, I knew I could've ended up paralysed or even dead but I still live a normal life even if I can’t lift heavy things or I just get to carry my daughter for very short periods while standing.

A clearer picture (that I would never forget) will be that of a very young fresh graduate I met in Abuja Nigeria in 2012, who was travelling to another state for a job interview. A month later, I heard she died on her way back from that trip on a route I had plied countless times. I knew it could've been me on one of my endless trips during my job search days. Every time I remember that pretty young lady, I say to myself I’d rather be alive and jobless than dead, so I won’t give up just because I don’t have a 9-5.

So if you are alive and still struggling to achieve your dreams but you seem  to have more downs than ups, I challenge you: remember the autumn trees, remember some people have died in the past trying to reach where you are today, remember to stop and smile, to say to yourself, ‘I’ll get through this’. Remember to love life and live it with gratitude.

It Wasn't Me!!!!!

A whole week and no post after the very first! This has to be a joke. I berated myself for not dealing with my procrastination weakness as I resolved this new year but after 5 days, I knew it wasn't me. This is not the ‘adamic’ habit of pointing fingers, this is the truth. I am a stay-at- home mum, who cannot find time for herself. Housewives’ tale, you say.

I was reading a facebook thread and some chic called a housewife ‘lazy’, and I felt like stretching invisible hands to give her a sound knock on the head. I’m not the housewife type, infact I’m all for the career-loving woman and anyone who knows me personally will attest to that, but this is what I have to do now while I plan the next steps to take, and it is no child’s play.

As soon as my morning prayers are concluded, I hit the ground running until night plus I have  a toddler who makes it all the more fun.....you know how!

Why do stay-at- home mums always complain about being so busy when all they do is cook and clean? If our sisters who work outside the home are honest, they will tell you how challenging it is to do that and manage a home efficiently, or better still the opportunity costs of their careers! Someone I know likes to say, ‘something has got to give’ and this is so true for every married woman.

Yeah, I know the celebrities and unreal people will say you can have it all, but if we face the facts, there is always a price to pay and I like to say, it all depends on what makes you happy and what works for your family.

I started this blog so I can have something that makes me happy, you know what they say...happy mother, happy home...but it seems like I never find time to write. I hear I have to either wake up very early or sleep quite late, so I’m praying, hoping and wishing that Meg will start sleeping at a stretch, without her intermittent wakes at night so I can have  a functional brain early in the morning because nights are ruled out!!!! All I look forward to at night is a good massage from dear husband and a soft clean pillow to lay my head.

Pray tell, who would like to take my place just for a week?